SHARK WARS

Title: Shark Wars

Media: Book

Genre: YA, action, adventure

Rating: N/A

Creator: EJ Altbacker

Edition Reviewed: 2011 Hardback Edition (Library Binding)

(Before we begin the review, I would like to apologize for the lack of reviews last week. My grandfather passed away due to cancer, and I didn't have the time to work on or publish anything. This is also why this week's review is so short: I was busy helping my family prepare for the funeral. And now to the review.)

Books about animals going on gritty and gory adventures whilst existing in their own society have been popular for centuries. Watership Down. Animal Farm. Warriors. And now, Shark Wars. Written by EJ Altbacker, the series chronicles the adventures of Gray the Megalodon (which isn't nearly as big of a spoiler as the first book pretends it is) and Barkley the dogfish as they create their own shiver (aka, their pack/school/herd/other such terms) and battle evil.

Sounds awesome, right? Sharks existing in their own society and playing by their own rules, showing that they are more than mindless eating machines.

If only Mr. Altbacker had bothered to do some research.

 

Yes, he got some things right. Some species of sharks will hunt in large packs, for one. Megalodon could have easily been mistaken for a really big modern-day great white, as well. But there are so many glaring mistakes in the book that could have been easily fixed with a quick trip to the library.

 

For starters, electric eels (Electrophorus electricus) and bettas (Betta splendens) are not saltwater fish. They are freshwater fish. This is the error that annoys me the most. Especially the fact that he placed a betta in the middle of the ocean. I have had experience with bettas since I was a child. Then again, so have most people. Bettas aren't exactly hard to come by. Anyone can raise a betta. Anyone can figure out that saltwater would suffocate them painfully. Anyone can figure this out.

If the author really wanted a fighting fish to mentor Gray, why not use a saltwater fish that is both as beautiful and as vicious as a betta? A moray eel (while not exactly “aggressive”) could have fit the bill: graceful, beautiful, and in possession of a large mouth filled with sharp teeth. Clownfishes, Moorish idols, and groupers are all examples of reef fish that could be considered the betta of the sea: territorial, vicious, and graceful.

There are other issues I have with this book besides the “freshwater fish in saltwater” one. Such as species misplacement, like the leafy sea dragon that shows up in the Atlantic ocean (they are only found on the Great Barrier Reef, which is in the Pacific Ocean). Or the fact that the sharks aren't written to sound like animals at all; instead, they sound like a bunch of human kids. One of the reasons the books I mentioned at the beginning of the review were so popular was because of how inhuman the characters sounded. And there are yet other issues: if I were to list them all, we'd be here all day.

But, to be honest, the “freshwater fish in saltwater” thing is what irks me the most. If a person must write about fish, then do some research. Fish are not all cut-and-paste the same: they have different habitats, different feeding habits, different socialization skills, and so on and so forth. Writing a freshwater fish into a saltwater setting shows that they simply do not care.

Now, I know what you're thinking. I'm being way too hard on this book series. It was written for twelve-year-old boys, after all. You're simply out of its age range.

And who says those twelve-year-old boys will go easy on this book? Twelve-year-old boys are notorious for correcting others they think are wrong. I have had boys correct me many times whilst I was working at the aquarium, even though I have worked there for ten years and would therefore know what I'm talking about. If they have done lots of research on sharks/fish and consider themselves to be experts on the subject, why would they just sit by and let these errors go unnoticed? 

Perhaps EJ Altbacker improves as the series goes on. Maybe he even comes up with a clever excuse as to why a betta is living in the ocean. But my disgust at the lack of research that went into the first book makes me reluctant to see for myself.

KILLAH KILLAH WHALE

 

Title: Killah Killah Whale

Media: App

Genre: Action, Sidescroller, Free 2 Play

Rating: 9+

Creator: Daniel Pugliese & David Rozenfield; makegameswithus.com

Edition Reviewed: v1.2, iPod touch

I fear orcas.

When I say “fear,” I don't mean that I am terrified of them. I mean that I respect them. When I was a child, I thought that all orcas were playful and cuddly creatures who could do no harm. And, admittedly, I have met some orcas who fit this description. Sweet Keet, for example: I met him at SeaWorld San Antonio and was charmed by his bashfulness.

But orcas like Sweet Keet are exceptions to the main rule. Orcinus orca are not friends to children; they are voracious predators. They are the top of the food chain. They bring down dolphins, whales, and sharks with ease. They are highly intelligent and never forget any wrongdoing done to them.

If you respect them, they will love you. If you mistreat them, they will hate you.

And if they decide to kill you, you will not be able to stop them.

Hence, why I fear them.

The creators of today's app, however, do not.

Killah Killah Whale is a free-to-play app available on iTunes. You play as Kilahu, a show orca who breaks out of his aquarium with his trainer in order to wreak havoc on the ocean. He barrels through pods of dolphins, groups of SCUBA divers, and cats in inner tubes (?!) in order to … um, in order to … well, from what I recall, the game never makes it clear what Kilahu is trying to do. But it probably has something to do with mass murder.

You know that sinking feeling you get in your stomach when you read a description for something and have a feeling it is making fun of an actual, tragic event? Because I am experiencing that sensation ten-fold. If I were to go on a detailed rant about just how screwed up this premise is considering recent events, this review would go on for five days. All I am going to say here is “Tilikum,” and then let you research it on your own time. I'm sure you'll be able to understand what I'm feeling.

Also, one of the unlockable whale skins is a stereotypical Muslim extremist.  That adds to the whole "morally outraged" thing.

 

Moving on from the plot, how does the game itself play? The answer is “fairly simply.” The player touches the screen to have Kilahu swim up, and then releases the screen to have him swim down. In other words, extremely similar controls as Jaws Revenge. Except slower and not as tightly controlled.

The game as two different modes: normal and oxygen. Both modes feature the same hectic, fast-paced mayhem that ends when Kilahu is damaged three times. Oxygen mode adds a bit more difficulty by having the screen grow darker as Kilahu stays underwater (which is meant to simulate Kilahu running out of air). This darkening screen is more annoying than interesting, however; if you are going to play Killah Killah Whale, then I advise avoiding this mode.

I would also advise playing with headphones, because the music is surprisingly good. There are four different background songs that can be chosen for the game, two of which are free (and will be the only ones I will talk about in this review, because I did not are to unlock the other two tracks). The first song is this rolling, thumping beat that matches the rhythm of the game. The second song is a rap tune called “Muck Up Da Humans,” in which a whale (assumedly Kilahu) chastises all of mankind for polluting the oceans and swears revenge. The song is no “Still Alive,” but it is still humorous and catchy. Both of the songs are fun, enjoyable and fit the visual feel and mood of the game.

 

 

As I mentioned earlier, the game is free-to-play. This means that the base game can be downloaded for free. But, like all free-to-play games, there is a catch. In order to unlock alternate soundtracks, skins, and special abilites for Kilahu, the player must collect enough coins to obtain them. While coins are gathered in-game, it takes awhile to collect enough to buy anything. The average coin intake for my games was around 175 coins. Items in the store are priced from 5000 to 20000 coins.

So an alternate route is provided for impatient gamers. An alternate route involving purchasing coins with actual money. With prices ranging from a dollar to fifteen dollars.

I'm not that desperate to unlock the Viking-on-a-narwhal skin.

In conclusion, this app has to be one of the most childish, immature, and offensive apps I have ever played and I enjoyed every minute of it. 

Once I overcame the aforementioned moral outrage, I found a darkly humorous gem of a game. While there are other games with the same basic premise and gameplay, they don't have the goofy charm or catchy soundtrack of Killah Killah Whale. 

Just don't tell Sweet Keet I liked this one. He might take it the wrong way.

FISH TYCOON

 

Title: Fish Tycoon

Media: Video Game

Genre: Simulation

Rating: E

Creator: Last Day of Work

Edition Reviewed: v1.01 for PC (Steam)

 

Ah, Fish Tycoon. I remember the days in high school when I would play the free version online during computer science, racing against my friends to see who could get a million dollars first. We always wondered what the full version was like, with its seahorses and researching and what not. When I finally earned enough to buy the full game, I was ecstatic. The mysteries would soon be solved!

Sadly, I only played it for five minutes before I rage-quit due to frustration and boredom.

And so, for the first time in years, I boot up the game in order to review it. Is it still an aggravating grind-fest? Or is it a genuinely enjoyable virtual aquarium?

Yes.

 

Fish Tycoon is a fish-raising business-oriented simulation game. The player's main goal is to find the Seven Magic Fish of Isola and return the island to its former glory. To do this, the player is given a handful of fish that they must breed to create new hybrids. But to sustain the more fragile hybrids, the player must research their tank environment. But to do the research, the player needs to sell fish to raise funds. But to raise funds, the player must breed valuable species of fish.

And thus the cycle continues.

 

 

Like most sims, Fish Tycoon is not for the impatient. When playing on the game's fastest speed, it takes two hours for your fish to give birth and then to have those babies reach full size. And when I say “two hours,” I don't mean a sped-up in-game version of hours. I mean, quite literally, two hours. The game runs on real time.

Which means that you can trick the game by setting the clock on your computer ahead two hours every time your fish are ready to give birth, but you didn't hear that from me.

Now to give everyone a biology lesson, combined with just a dash of nitpicking.

Did you notice how I kept referring to fish giving birth? Every fish in the game gives live birth. Every fish. Even the fish you just used to impregnate one of the other fish. In the context of the game, this is good. If there were defined genders for each of the fish, you could very well render the game unbeatable by having all males or all females in your tank.

But fish don't work that way. Yes, some fish give live birth: some members of the family Chondrichthyes (sharks & rays), and most members of the family Poeciliidae (guppies & mollies) reproduce by hatching their eggs internally and then popping the babies out (this is called ovoviviparous reproduction, for anyone who is curious). And yes, some fish can change gender at will: for example, some male clownfish will turn female if there is a dramatic shift in the male/female ratio.

But gender-swapping fish are not ovoviviparous, and ovoviviparous fish do not gender-swap.

And this has bugged me ever since I first played the game.

(Of course, this is all a moot point when you realize most of the fish in the game do not exist at all. It's all pretend, with a fantasy island that operates by its own set of rules. Rendering this reality-based vent invalid. Oh well. At least you got to learn some cool stuff about fish reproduction.)

But enough of that: back to the game itself. Besides the length and slow pace, it is also difficult to raise money. In the free version of the game, one could set the price of every fish to $1000 and become rich in minutes. However, the shoppers in the full-length release will not buy your fish if you price them too high. Which, in my experience, includes raising the fish's default price by one dollar. Seeing as how most fish are priced at four bucks, you can see how difficult it is to gain money at the beginning of the game.

 

But that's just how sim games work. Lots of padding and lots of grinding, so that the player can get their money's worth. The point of the game is not to win; the point of the game is to enjoy your virtual fish tank.

I suppose the bottom line is this: is Fish Tycoon worth your money? Sure, if you like aquarium sims; the fish are very pretty, the game is relaxing to watch, and you never have to clean the tank. It' all of the benefits of owning a fish tank with none of the downsides (except one: these virtual fish will never have the quirks and personalities that real fish have). If you have no patience for simulation games but feel that you absolutely must play this game, then I would suggest sticking with the free online version and its faster/easier gameplay.

As for me, personally? I prefer taking care of real fish.